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It’s been a while since I’ve been home… New Years to be exact.  Had a bit of a spat with my mother before leaving last time where I’m hoping doesn’t repeat when I leave again this coming Sunday morning.  Had a little argument about her treating me like a kid all the time and even though I can understand where she was coming from, I didn’t really enjoy feeling belittled in a way.  But I digress, I’m home for the time being and trying to enjoy myself here while I can.

Talked to several of my old friends, was nice to catch up.  Though something struck my memory when I went to visit my teachers at the high school.  The campus looks so different now, it’s like I’ve grown so old and everything around me, while remaining familiar and how I left it, also seemed to have changed dramatically.  My city, my room and my house looks as I left it.  But little things like my high school has since them become so much more contemporary it’s like I’m in a different school entirely.  Was lost in there for a bit even though I knew where everything was.

Finally got to catch up with Mrs. Lamas this time around as I actually came to school early in the day and stayed with her in some of her classes. High school is as rowdy as I remembered and I really can’t see how teachers can manage the chaos that is the teenager.  I doubt I would be able to deal with the noise, let alone the attitudes that most youth seem to inhibit.  I’m almost a little envious of the patience that teachers seem to manage, it’s a type of trait that would certainly save me some amounts of stress and possible trouble down the road.

Anyway, as I caught up with Mrs. Lamas, the subject of Kevin was brought up.  Though it’s something I’ve come to terms with, it’s not something I’m entirely comfortable talking about, especially to people who weren’t there like the kids in the room at the time. Although they seem to be the more understanding of the bunch, I still get the feeling that there’s some confusion around the whole subject and that some might still believe that the girlfriend is to blame for his suicide.  I still get tense when I hear that, like I’m going to murder someone, but it’s more of their ignorance to blame rather than poor judgment.  In any case, it sort of just brought to mind my time in high school and the people I’ve met during the course of my life.

Can’t say that my life has been all that eventful or fulfilling, but I can finally say I’m making a step in some sort of direction. Whether it’s the right one or not has yet to be seen, but it’s definitely more eventful.  I’ve met some good guys while in the Army, some I might not ever see again, but I can always hold onto the memories we shared… as jumbled as they may be from the alcohol we’ve consumed while at our stay in San Angelo, TX. It’s a bit of a wonder really how we all come to the decisions we’ve made.  Can’t say I’d be where I’m at if I were to meet different people or be born at a different time.  Makes you sort of wish there was a spiritual aspect to life that guides everything, even though rationally that would be a difficult thing to swallow.  I’m not overly religious myself, but spirituality is something to be wondered upon if not cherished.  I can see why people attach themselves to religion, and despite the destructive potential religion has, it’s difficult to say to be rid of it entirely.

I feel like I’m just rambling on thoughts that come to mind, but I can’t really help it.  Guess that’s just how my brain works, without a single idea to get across but all the little things to come to mind at the time.  I suppose the whole initiate to this whole post is me seeing someone’s blog post and the fact that she is a religious sort of person brought other thoughts to mind.  Haven’t really had the time to really just ponder on the things around me anymore, typically busy doing my job in the Army or just recovering from it, in the form of sleep or the trip to the bar.  I’ve been busy I suppose.  Maybe my ability to form such curious and random thoughts so easily was because of my inactivity, gave me a bit more free time just to wonder.  Certainly some pride should be taken in ones’ work… but just having a moment and thinking about the wonder that surrounds us is something to consider too.

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