Talked to several of my old friends, was nice to catch up.  Though something struck my memory when I went to visit my teachers at the high school.  The campus looks so different now, it’s like I’ve grown so old and everything around me, while remaining familiar and how I left it, also seemed to have changed dramatically.  My city, my room and my house looks as I left it.  But little things like my high school has since them become so much more contemporary it’s like I’m in a different school entirely.  Was lost in there for a bit even though I knew where everything was.

Finally got to catch up with Mrs. Lamas this time around as I actually came to school early in the day and stayed with her in some of her classes. High school is as rowdy as I remembered and I really can’t see how teachers can manage the chaos that is the teenager.  I doubt I would be able to deal with the noise, let alone the attitudes that most youth seem to inhibit.  I’m almost a little envious of the patience that teachers seem to manage, it’s a type of trait that would certainly save me some amounts of stress and possible trouble down the road.

Anyway, as I caught up with Mrs. Lamas, the subject of Kevin was brought up.  Though it’s something I’ve come to terms with, it’s not something I’m entirely comfortable talking about, especially to people who weren’t there like the kids in the room at the time. Although they seem to be the more understanding of the bunch, I still get the feeling that there’s some confusion around the whole subject and that some might still believe that the girlfriend is to blame for his suicide.  I still get tense when I hear that, like I’m going to murder someone, but it’s more of their ignorance to blame rather than poor judgment.  In any case, it sort of just brought to mind my time in high school and the people I’ve met during the course of my life.

Can’t say that my life has been all that eventful or fulfilling, but I can finally say I’m making a step in some sort of direction. Whether it’s the right one or not has yet to be seen, but it’s definitely more eventful.  I’ve met some good guys while in the Army, some I might not ever see again, but I can always hold onto the memories we shared… as jumbled as they may be from the alcohol we’ve consumed while at our stay in San Angelo, TX. It’s a bit of a wonder really how we all come to the decisions we’ve made.  Can’t say I’d be where I’m at if I were to meet different people or be born at a different time.  Makes you sort of wish there was a spiritual aspect to life that guides everything, even though rationally that would be a difficult thing to swallow.  I’m not overly religious myself, but spirituality is something to be wondered upon if not cherished.  I can see why people attach themselves to religion, and despite the destructive potential religion has, it’s difficult to say to be rid of it entirely.

I feel like I’m just rambling on thoughts that come to mind, but I can’t really help it.  Guess that’s just how my brain works, without a single idea to get across but all the little things to come to mind at the time.  I suppose the whole initiate to this whole post is me seeing someone’s blog post and the fact that she is a religious sort of person brought other thoughts to mind.  Haven’t really had the time to really just ponder on the things around me anymore, typically busy doing my job in the Army or just recovering from it, in the form of sleep or the trip to the bar.  I’ve been busy I suppose.  Maybe my ability to form such curious and random thoughts so easily was because of my inactivity, gave me a bit more free time just to wonder.  Certainly some pride should be taken in ones’ work… but just having a moment and thinking about the wonder that surrounds us is something to consider too.

I really love this song and I’ve been reverting back to listening to it every now and then when I can’t decide what to listen to.  Florence and the Machine really has an interesting vibe going for them as it’s something that makes me feel passionate and soulful while remaining simple at the same time.  Well maybe those attributes go well with one another, and I probably have mentioned this band a few times already, but it’s just something I’m really into right now.  It’s so artistic and effects more than just the way you hear the music, but I can form images in mind to compliment the music.  I’ve enjoyed the music of this band for a while but I guess Cosmic Love stuck out most when I saw it in So You Think You Can Dance with Ashley and Ade dancing a contemporary piece using this song and it moved me.  It really made me favor Ashley much more than the other contestants and I was hoping for her continual success until she got injured.  Nonetheless, the dance usually resurfaces in my mind when I hear this song and it just makes me feel warm.  I’m not sure if people have the same impressions on music as I do, but it really is an important facet of my life that probably shaped me to who I am.

Can’t really say as to how the music I listen to shaped me, I listen to a lot of genres and have very eclectic taste.  But maybe it’s like how if someone who listens to one genre dominantly that they usually shape themselves in that fashion, which the most simple and most recognizable comparison might be hip-hop.  But being one who enjoys the variety of music maybe that made me a little more odd and open than most people.  Which is something that people and I value in my personality.

I have actually less than 8 days to spend time with everyone if I choose to.  I don’t leave for boot camp until next Tuesday, but I have to be away from my home on the Monday prior mostly so the recruiter doesn’t have to drive me to the facilities where they check through everything early in the morning.  So do I wanna see them again, or just pretend it’s like any other year and have them go about their business not reminding them that I enlisted in the Army.  Sensibly it would be good to spend some time together, but part of me doesn’t want to deal with it.

With Inception and many other movies which garner my favor have is supporting characters who seem like people with their own problems, agendas and personalities and even if they do not have as frequent screen time as the main actors, they still have an impact.  Leonardo Dicaprio is the main character and the movie deals in large part with his own problems, but the supporting characters are there to help and lift up the character further making him more interesting as a person.  However, like I previously said, movies can focus on just the main characters with very little supporting cast with the best example I can think of is Let The Right One In, a Swedish vampire film that focuses on the relationship of a vampire who appears to be the same age as the human protagonist which looks to be around 14 or something like that.  I don’t quite remember, but the relationship they build is strong and it’s enough to make the movie work so well.  It also didn’t have much in the way of special effects, but the characters were enough to make me enthralled and kept me interested in how the rest of the movie will play out.

Computer generated graphics is a new technological device that should be used, but I think filmmakers should do as much as possible the old-fashioned way because so many things could happen that were unintended that might add tremendously to the film.  It adds a warmth to the movie in my opinion and computer graphics, as wonderful as they might look, is a little too deliberate to appear natural, even with the best in the business.  It grants filmmakers an ability to create in larger scales and use their imagination much more, but reliance on it could ultimately hurt the picture.  Like the saying goes, “too much of a good thing can be bad.”

I don’t really want to write a review since that might require me to describe scenes in order to demonstrate my enjoyment.  Instead, I’m going to talk about the actors because this movie has some actors who happen to be some of my favorites ones working right now which include, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Cillian Murphy although all of the actors played their roles wonderfully.  You can’t say too much about Dicaprio though, it’s like a written fact that he’s good, no matter what sort of movie he’s in.  His career has been stellar and this movie just adds to his impressive career.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt reappeared onto my radar after 500 Days of Summer, but before then I haven’t heard much of him ever since he played the old soul trapped in a young man’s body in 3rd Rock From the Sun.  I enjoyed watching him perform on 3rd Rock when I was young but after that I didn’t see him in anything and it’s a shame because he’s a great actor. He plays the cool, serious guy quite well in this movie and I would understand if girls flocked to him more after they see him in this.  I think Cillian Murphy is an underrated actor who should be able to star in more movies, but he did his role well as he showed great vulnerability and he was sympathetic although being the victim to the inception in the movie.  While at the same time, he didn’t appear weak at all, and I think it made his character better.  Lastly in my ramble on my favorites actors of this movie is Marion Cotillard whom I find strongly magnetic.  There’s just something about her that is alluring that I can’t quite put my finger on, it could be the French in her I don’t know.  I first saw her in La Vie en Rose and she played Edith Piaf well but she wasn’t particularly attractive in the movie, in looks anyway, but you felt drawn to her presence which made the movie work that much more.  With Inception, she has a dangerous allure about her and she can look very feminine at one moment and downright scary the next.  Being that English is her second language, she did amazing I thought.

I strongly recommend watching this movie, and watching it multiple times.  I would hope it beat Avatar for the overall gross for a movie, but I doubt that.  Still, this is a great movie and I think a favorite for this year.

But I joined onto the LeBron hating bandwagon that so many have been on for the past few years, and more so due to recent events, but in the same way, you can’t really blame him for choosing the Heat over Cavaliers.  Sure Cavs made adjustments to the team to appease him such as bringing Jamison in and all that in order to try and win championships and it didn’t pan out as much as they hoped.  Then again LeBron did sort of quit on them that one game with a 9 point deficit against Boston, but so did the rest of the team.  So he’s the leader, sure, but if the team really wanted to win, they shouldn’t need their leader to be in the mood too and should go after it.  But I digress, LeBron probably should have stayed over in Cleveland and since it’s his home state it would be much better for the team if he was there and loyalty would be great.  But now they see him as a traitor to their state, which I kinda think is stupid, but I’d probably feel that way if Kobe decided to leave.  Although he did try to leave at one point that people seem to forget and forgive him for despite his constant bitching about it at the time.

All in all, I think this will be an interesting season for basketball, three all-star players are surely going to be on the radar and I would think people would watch that team much more because of it.  People are going to join the bandwagon of either loving them or hating them, I’m a little unsure how I feel about it since I still do like Bosh and Wade, but hate LeBron a bit.  Though my reasons for hating him are pretty small, it’s really just because of that one hour decision to choose what city to play for since that was so annoying.  But I think people take the whole loyalty to the team a little too seriously.  If you want to watch players who are loyal solely to their teams, then go watch college basketball where players are probably from that city and play only for that team until they graduate and move on.  NBA has players who have to look for their best interests, can’t just stick with a team because the city is nice, they want to win championships and if they have the opportunity to do so, then just go for it.  If you were in the same position you would probably make the same decisions.

Music probably has the largest impact on me as far as art goes because I constantly try to have music around me at all times.  At the moment, I’ve been listening to older music such as from the likes of Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra but I also want to focus on Florence + The Machine who are a relatively recent band that has gotten my attention.  The thing that intrigues me about the band in particular is that the music they produce just makes me feel.  What the feeling it is usually depends on my mood, but the drums in the music just help bring out an emotional response out of me, and I think it’s rather beautiful even if it’s something as simple as slamming a drum.  It’s not even a drum beat, it’s just like someone pounding on a large drum a couple of times as hard as they can, it’s something primal about it and it just makes you want to dance or become involved somehow.  Although the songs themselves are great, the addition of the simple drums just gives it that explosion of passion that I sometimes feel is lost in modern musicians.  There are a couple of musicians who make me feel that way, and especially so if I ever had the pleasure of watching their live shows.  They don’t necessarily have to do anything crazy to get your attention, but you just feel how they view their own music and what it means to them.  At times I feel that the heart behind the music is beginning to be lost in music today, especially if they continuously rely on electronic beats or computerized techniques that are made to just grab your attention.  I’m not really condemning music today since I enjoy a great many of them, even those of the electronic brand, but I would love to hear more passion in music like they had in the 40′s and 50′s with singers like Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, ect.  They just made me feel like I understood what their emotions were at the time they sang it or just have a great rush in general.  I know that Frank Sinatra – My Way just makes me feel more masculine and gives me a willingness I didn’t have minutes ago.  They didn’t do anything crazy or wild to be able to express what they were singing, hell many of them sang the same songs but it presented a different feeling depending on the artist and the listener.  There’s plenty of good music out there, but it doesn’t get as much attention as those who have the catchier beats and rhythms which is a shame.  It’s possible I’m just focusing on the mainstream and the perception I get from occasionally listening to the radio and the steady popularity of shows like American Idol, whose contestants I don’t really find to be all that talented to be honest.  Music doesn’t require someone to hold a note for a long period of time to show their strength or having the better and catchier beats.  Sometimes it feels like artists today concentrate too much on those aspects rather than the reasons behind the music and the passion they feel in creating their art and voice.  But this is all the opinion of someone who has no actual artistic talent, but  just enjoys to feel it whenever I can to give my life a little more color.

Anyhow, that was mostly the introduction to my general point I’m making by posting this.  We had a chat today that eventually led to us talking about times at El Monte High School and apparently he knew of the time my friend committed suicide.  I guess it was pretty big news at the time and all the neighboring high schools took notice of it, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised at the fact that other residents around the area would catch wind of it too.  I think it might have even been on television but I refused to watch anything on the subject since I was having a mixed emotion of anger and sadness and didn’t need to be bombarded with images and interviews.  What’s interesting about our little chat is that he didn’t have much concern over the fact that my friend committed suicide and almost had a jovial attitude to the fact.  Now I don’t think there was much animosity to any of it, but it was just an inappropriate attitude to be having.  Sure it’s been four years, but after thinking about it in the course of our conversation it does seem that I’m still not over the fact and it does make me uncomfortable to talk about.  Since it’s against my nature to be confrontational, I just quickly talked about it in a respectful manner without pointing out any social ineptitude on his part.  I doubt it’ll be something that’ll come up anytime soon, so why make a thing out of it.

However, it has got me thinking about what’s socially acceptable as well as what place I’m at with my friend’s suicide.  I think about it more often than people would probably realize, but I’ve let go enough to not be depressed when I do think of it.  It’s probably not anything I would get over any time soon, but it’s sort of as a reminder of how I could be a better friend to those I still keep in touch with.  I won’t pretend to know his intentions when he did what he did, but maybe more support from the people around him would have prevented what happened.  It’s all hypothetical and it’s not something I want to divulge into much, but it’s still something that nags at me a bit every now and then.  As far as what’s socially acceptable in talking about an experience to people, I wonder what is acceptable.  It’s been four years, and I still don’t feel comfortable talking about it to anyone who doesn’t really know anything about the people involved.  I would just go as far as to say that he was my friend, but I don’t know what else to say about it without getting emotionally involved in the conversation.  I’m commonly known for how emotional I get sometimes.  It’s behind me and yet it’s sort of just there all the time.  Maybe it’s like my new acquaintance has said and that it’s like a ghost haunting me a bit, probably in a less literal way than he intended, but real all the same.  I haven’t visited the grave in a long while and I feel sorry for it.  Visiting the high school gives me the same feeling sometimes, I would love to visit, but sometimes I just feel uncomfortable being there and revisiting the high school that was responsible for a lot of pain, although a lot of joy came out of there too.  At this point I’m probably just rambling now, so I’ll just leave it at that.

I guess that’s one of the reasons I found school to be so uncomfortable.  It’s not so much that the classes themselves were stupid (although some were), but that some people weren’t really there to learn anything.  Not sure why it bothers me so much, I guess I enjoy learning things without relying on a grade to gauge whether or not someone really did learn or put in the effort.  Also I find the whole hours long study sessions right before a test to be off putting.  My general approach for classes I care for or want to learn is that I write notes in and out of classes when the lecture is fresh in my head and if I want to reinforce it I would talk to the professor about it if he or she were available.  Kind of a lot of effort to be had, but you learn the subject much better.  I just feel that students now just go to school for the degree and not so much for actually learning anything because when I ask my friends about stuff they learned they can’t really tell me much.  It’s just frustrating sometimes, I’d rather get a bad grade if I feel like I didn’t learn anything.  But then that’s stupid too, since you want the grade so you can move on with it and get it over with.  Can’t enjoy every class I guess.  Oh well, it’s just the way things are.